When the bible speaks about sex it explains it in different terms than what our society tells us about sex. In Mark 10:6-8 Jesus looks back at the words in Genesis where the bible places sex, the physical uniting of two people together, within the lifelong commitment or covenant of marriage. God, the creator of everything and the author of life, designed sex to be good and pleasurable and enjoyable, but when he’s describing it, he uses words that speak of a unifying act where two become ‘one flesh’. The bible talks about sex outside of marriage in 1 Corinthians 6:15-16 saying that all sexual activity outside of marriage is sinful and life destroying. To use the analogy of two eggs, they start out separate yolks and then someone scrambles them, they become unified, there’s no separating them. God uses the word ‘unite’ to show what happened with the eggs, he’s saying that this uniting doesn’t just happen with married people, the eggs get mixed up in both a one night stand or a long term relationship which breaks up. If you don’t want to stay one with them, then you’ve got to unscramble the eggs and that’s impossible to do! It leaves scars, it leaves wounds on the inside because it’s more than just physical, it’s intimate and it’s uniting.
God sees us as being incredibly precious. Our sexuality is a delicate part of who we are. It needs to be protected, it can be abused so easily and the effects of abuse can last a lifetime. 1 Corinthians 6:18 continues to discuss sin, saying that all sin is equally offensive to God, but the consequences of sexual sin is the worst, because it happens to an intimate part of us and has lifelong consequences. You can be forgiven, but the wounds you carry will have their affects. The bible is simple when it comes to sex inside of marriage… Do whatever you like to, enjoy your spouse sexually! So why are there married, loving, Christians, who have problems with their love life? Mark Gungor’s book ‘Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage’ says that one of the problems within marriage that a lot of women don’t understand, is that testosterone does different things in a man’s brains and body than oestrogen does to a woman’s. At a base level, a man’s desire is for his wife to please him sexually. Women’s primary desire is to be met at a heart level. Women want to know how you’re feeling, they want to know they’re loved for who they are but fail to recognise that the key to getting a man’s heart is through sex! Men the key to her happy place is her heart! One of the biggest mistakes a wife can make is to think that sex isn’t an important thing for their husbands.
To return to the bible, 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 lets us know that if you do get married then know that your bodies aren’t yours any more, you’ve given yourself to your partner, you’re united now, you’re one. This is an equal passage, speaking of the unity and equality of both parties in the marriage. Through mutual understanding, don’t turn the tap off on your sex life just because you don’t feel like it. Find ways to keep him happy… and guys don’t slacken off on engaging her heart. The key to getting what a husband wants is to give her what she wants and the key to getting what the wife wants is to give him what he wants. If each withholds what the other needs it shows a self-centeredness that’s only looking at what you want, but marriage and relationships are far more about trying to meet each other’s needs, being selfless and desiring that in doing so, you’ll impact their heart to want to give you what you need. The benefits of this kind of relationship are fantastic, because if you only have one sexual partner for your whole life, then you can throw away the comparison game! That type of security brings an intimacy that is far better than any one night stand could ever bring.
Sex was always meant to be the best part of God’s creation. It’s designed to be intimate, personal, connecting and good. You are encouraged to have great sex lives and enjoy the partner that God has given you and know that God designed you to have this joy in your marriages, so be open with each other and glorify God in this gift that he’s given us.
Find the full sermon here: Love Sex Marriage: Sex